2^nd Sept 08
Whoever said exercise rejuvenated you when it was ‘that time of the month’ has not met me. Either that or they forgot to tell us is that it does energise you for like all of 15 minutes… Although I went running this morning, every fibre in my being was screaming blue murder at me WHY? WHY? WHY? Why are you getting me up at 5.30 in the morning? I still am not sure how I managed to get up, but come 5.45am I was out the house and plodding (no pounding this morning!) the river road with Delia. It was only a short run, just over 2km, but I eagerly looked forward to a day of promised energy. It’s 3.30pm now and I’m still waiting! Maybe if I hadn’t of gone running I’d be even more comatose now… The positive thing is that when I had finished running I wasn’t really out of breath and didn’t feel my heart was pounding all that much. I am definitely getting fitter and obviously am required to push the boundaries further.  

The streets of the Thong were exceptionally quiet this morning, hardly a soul out. Now that might not sound odd to you for 5.45am, but here most people are up at 4.30-5.00am, so today the world appear eerily sombre. The cool grey river is steadily receding, the rains dissipating slowly, meaning the days in-between are becoming pretty stifling.
I’ve been attempting to fine-tune my hammock securing skills; after an exponentially ridiculous amount of bruises, scrapes and blisters (yes, I fell out a few…) at present I have three sturdy (!?) hammocks under my house creating a splendid space to sit and receive the full benefit of any breeze. I just need more people to drop round for company… (Can you believe I just said that?!!!) Preferably people who like to talk, so I don’t have to say that much…   

27^th Aug

Ace-er-roonie! This morning got up at 5.30am and went out running on my own, ran nearly a full 4km with only a short break in the middle! Excellent, I must be getting fitter eh? It feels good. No, it feels great J

Course I probably spoilt all that good work by going to the market for breakfast and iced chocolate drink made with approx. 100mls of condensed milk! My excuse is I needed the sugar! It?s damn tasty I highly recommend it!

Now that I think about it, recently I have been doing a few things that are out of character for me? a) running, b)cooking (!) and c) being more sociable. Is it a full moon?? On Saturday the volunteers and Chantha held a group cooking lesson. We all got together and made a dish each and learnt from each other tips on how to improve etc. With Chantha?s help I made THE most fantabulously DELICIOUS ruby-murray I have ever tasted (well certainly tasted here at any rate!) Wow, I never knew I had it in me! I?ve the recipe too so hope I can make it again ? though probably not for a while as it takes about 3 hours to make!! Also I learnt how to make a Khmer desert from coconut milk and bananas which is really simple and absolutely yummy.
After cooking we then had a party to eat all the food and dance off all the calories. If all that socialising wasn?t enough am having a party at my house on Friday night!

I think all this behaviour is largely due to Chantha?s influence (she?s up in Stung Treng for 2 weeks from Phnom Penh) ? and thank heavens for that is all I can say. The woman is a godsend; things at work have been awful and Chantha being here has made life seem bearable once more. The Director at the school appears to be going out of his way to make this new project difficult, if things continue in this manner I can see myself coming home early as the project will be a joke. At the moment I?ve asked VSO to step in and see if they can resolve the underlying issues the Director has about the project. I'm in a complete dilemma about what to do. On one hand I know I?d still feel like an incredible failure coming home early, it?d be admitting defeat and feeling that I wasn?t good enough. When Chantha isn?t here, most of the time I feel like shit. The frustration at work completely gets me down; I start to beat myself up about what else I could/should/would be doing even though logically I know it won?t be achieved without the support of the Director. With this in mind, can I be satisfied with the very minor successes during my time here, and keep on banging my head against the proverbial brick wall?
 
On the other hand; surely life is too precious to be spending like this? Shouldn?t I just accept that this situation is out of my control; I am not in a position to challenge his power and I?m not willing to reduce myself to corruption and bribery to make the Director happy (as someone has suggested to me but which I have very strong moral feeling about). Maybe the time has come to accept that I have given it my best shot; that I cannot change the political situation at the school, that the school is not ready to work with a volunteer yet and there would be no shame in leaving early.
 
One of these days I will need to jump off the fence and take one of the above routes? but until then, I?m gonna enjoy my post run euphoria, wait to see what impact the programme office has on the Directors behaviour and enjoy the party on Friday night.
Till then dear friends, if any of you have any advice I?m willing to listen to anything!
 

20^th Aug 08That was the sound of me this morning at 6am. (For those of you with dirty minds – pull your thoughts out of the gutter plleeease!)
I was out running.
Yes, you did read correctly….  RUNNING. A marathon is being held in Siem Riep in December and lots of the volunteers are entering to raise money for VSO. Even though I might not enter the marathon, I am taking this opportunity to get motivated, energised and fit. (Yes, I am probably crazy, but there are no white coats here to commit me.)
So three of us met up this am sporting fitness clobber and dental white runners, and off we went pounding the streets of Stinky Trong. I reckon I managed maybe 1¼ km of actual running / jogging and the rest fast walking, then followed this with a short bicycle ride (to steady my jelly-legs!). I feel quite energised now (though remain unconvinced how long this will last!!), also, can claim uplifting morale points for doing much needed exercise (can I have double choc spread on baguette for lunch now??).
I could do with some running tips if anyone has them (Gavin Wilson???) and I will try keep you posted on how well (or how badly!) I am doing! If anyone wants to send over sweets as messages of encouragement – obviously I won’t turn them down….

 

5^th Aug
Ok, remember that completely sane dream I had about the toe chomping lizards?  Well guess what me old fruities??? Its only frickin true!! AAARRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Yes I was happily sitting in my office yesterday when my eyes catch some movement on the floor. It’s a dark and lengthy lizard scuttling with intention towards my barefooted peepsies. Spooky state of affairs this. I really did check down and make sure all the little piglets were present and correct (which they are, don’t fret!). Mind you if it had eaten my toes then I might well have been swept into the arms of a stunning man by now…..
Quick, quick, kick those shoes off and cover my toes in crickets….

 Other than that things are going relatively smoothly here in the ‘Thong’ (this place is accumulating aliases like bees on honey). The days tick on by without too much stress or altercations. I am busy preparing for the new project which is due to start in September, running training sessions on clinical skills and preparing workshops for the teaching staff here about teaching methodologies. It’s kind of strange to think that I won’t be here for most of the new project, so most of the work I’ll be doing is preparation. It must be a sign that I’m not too disappointed by this – although perhaps when it gets nearer the time to coming home, I will not want to go.

 We have had mucho grande rain here over the past few days, so the winter jammies and blanket have been pulled out again to keep the chill out. The market has been quite flooded on some days and people are predicting big flood is the rains continue. The river is certainly extremely high – higher than I’ve ever seen it before.

 Wee Tink is doing her bit to ward of the cold by acting as my hot water bottle, snuggling up to me at night – bless ‘er soul. Doglet, after weeks of being confined to outside after going for the cat, has decided she prefers it outside and gets antsy if she’s inside for too long! I am also securing homes for the menagerie when I leave – as I try the responsible pet owner thing.
Doglet is going back from whence she came – Mekong Blue. The two kittens have already gone to Chan’s house, where he is trying to convert them to a rice diet.  Despite the fact I didn’t want them in the first place, of course they were starting to nestle into a little place in my heart, so when it came to handing them over and seeing disappear into the horizon in a wee box perched precariously on a moto, I have to admit I felt bad. Must be like saying goodbye to your kids when they leave home. There’s an empty place in the home, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.

 So it just leaves Stinker-roonie to sort out. I’d actually love to bring her home with me – because she is a proper house cat, I think she’d tolerate England well, and I’ve gotten really attached to her. But no doubt she’ll have to stay here; either back to Malin, or with a new volunteer. I could throw her a farewell party eh? Get in some tins of Whiska’s and having a rocking time??

 1^st July 08   I’m not quite sure how this happened, but as of Friday I seem to have two extra mouths to feed. The house now has quite a menagerie of critters; let me see… there’s 1 dog, 1 cat, 2 kittens, a few roaches, a small arm of ants, a number of geckos, millions of unnameable beetles and a hornets nest.
Yes, I did say 2 kittens. I couldn’t help it! They kind of adopted me ;-/
I was cycling past the Wat, coming home from work on Friday evening when two of the tiniest little kittens scampered out in front of me, seemingly on a mission to get themselves killed or something – as two big dogs immediately started chasing after them. Well, I couldn’t very well just let them suffer in front of my very eyes could i? So I yelled at the dogs and got them to back off. I got off the bike and walked the rest of the short distance to the gates, just to make sure the dogs didn’t come back.  The kittens, obviously realising they were onto a good thing, decided they would follow me home.

Bugger.

19^th June 08
I have a new cat! Well, still a little kitten really. I know, I know… I said I wasn’t going to, but I have a big mouse problem in the house and Doglet is just too hapless at catching mice! I don’t want to try catch the mouse with sticky paper (don’t ask, it’s completely disgusting!) so, in an effort to rid the kitchen of mouse poo – I’ve resorted to borrowing Malin’s cat. I specifically asked her just to borrow it for the mouse problem and she will take it back when I leave. How awful, I’m talking about the cat likes it’s a commodity. Shame on me. It is lovely though; just a wee little mite. I will take some photos when it has gotten used to the house and me and isn’t so scared! She only arrived this morning and already I can foresee ructions between the Doglet and her! Mmmmm….. will have to see what I can do about that! 

23^rd June 08: 21.04Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!! After 4 days of Kitty being insitu, mouse has been caught!! Everybody sing with me;
dum, dum, dum, dum – one mouse bites the dust!
dum, dum, dum, dum – one mouse bites the dust!
I came home this evening from dinner and was just about to step into the bathroom for the fifth shower of the day (yes, it’s really quite hot!), and I must of startled the mouse who went dashing off to its usual hiding place in the lounge. Little did he know about my secret weapon!
I saw the mouse scampering.
I heard the frenetic patter of tiny footsteps.
Then the cat trots past with said mouse firmly ensconced in her sharp little teeth, with a look thrown at me that said clearly – stay away, it’s MINE!
Result. I knew the assassin strategy would work.
Yeah – ok. So I do feel sorry for the mouse. But it’s survival of the fittest out here in the country. 

25^th June 08
Had annual review at the school yesterday and felt pretty pants about it. There hasn’t been much progress in the great scheme of things, and although there are many reasons why – I can’t help but feel responsible. The good thing is it has given me some much needed motivation and renewed enthusiasm. Hoorah! Today I feel I have had a really good day at work, been busy all day – even giving up the usual 3 hour lunch break! Feels great to be busy, I hope it lasts and I hope I can stay strong and persuade/cajole/browbeat my colleagues into working with me so at least some of the proposed activities will continue when I leave.
Which is only 9 months away!! I didn’t think I would be looking forward to this so much – but I really am!

I have to write and tell you about this dream I had the other night, crikey if you thought I was weird before wait till you here this!

From here I flicked into another part of the hotel; green and luscious, it must have been in the gardens somewhere. Someone is talking; warning the guests about the lizards because they bite off your toes. I warned you it was weird!

Then I wake up. What a bizarre dream – and sooo vivid. So tell me, what do you think it means? Is there a hidden meaning behind it? Are dreams the subconscious giving you advice? Or is it just that I’m losing my mind and should seek professional help immediately??

16^th June 08
Today is my big brothers birthday, so I would like to wish him an enjoyable day and tell him how much I love him. I find in life, probably like a lot of people, that many things are really hard to say in person – like I love you. If only we were capable of telepathy (on second thoughts I take that back – can you imagine the previous situation if my boss could read my mind?? Yikes.) What I am really trying to say, amidst the humour, is that I think you are wonderful Ian. For sure we have been through our bad times, winding each other up. But I will always remember the good times more, like hanging out with Julie, Paul, Liam, Scott, Brendan and the gang. I remember once, we were at a party (surprise) at Newport and there was some ructions going on somewhere and you were all for storming off to defend someone’s honour. God I was scared. I was sure that something bad would happen to you and there was nothing I could do about it. Then when Pete and I split and you wanted to go knock his block off. As much as I didn’t ever want you do actually do it, it sure did give me a warm fuzzy feeling to know that you wanted to. That’s why, even though we may not talk a lot, I know that deep down you care tremendously. Maybe it’s not always so easy to tell that I care tremendously too, so I wanted to make it a little more obvious. I care. And if you ever needed me to be there. I would do whatever I can. Sometimes I may need a big hint though. Lots of love from your little sister xxx

My bones have defrosted and my stomach is content again now that I have scrumptious noodles inside them, yet despite all my grumblings I do miss Blightyland and am finding it arduous to settle back down to life in Cambodia. Wow – never thought I’d be seeing myself typing that!
For sure it probably started when my like-minded buddies abandoned Stinky Trongland for greener pastures, then life here began to get stressful and more frustrating. There was not even a cherry on top, just an army of ants, cockroaches in the wardrobe, scorpions in the kitchen and diving-bombing beetles. In short I was fed-up and miserable, so booked flights to come home for a holiday.
I was prepared to dislike England again, I was prepared for people to have a limited interest in Cambodia, I even thought I was prepared to be cold (ha!). I was not prepared to have to struggle back into life in Cambodia on my return. What the hell happened? I guess the same thing as when I came over to England. I had been away for over a year, so on coming back I had expected things to, you know…change. Stupidly, I guess, the same coming back here! I had wanted things to change. Of course they weren’t gonna change in three weeks! (Although there are significantly less bugs and I now have an extermination policy the Darleks would be proud of.)
The things I miss about Stinkland are still missing. The things that drive me crazy about Stinkland are doing their level best to drive me demented! Work is mad. I’ve never worked in an environment where people are so scared to do anything to upset the Government. It’s almost incomprehensible how much power the Government holds here; how will things change if the Government won’t allow freedom of speech. If I had threats of having grenades thrown through my window, I wouldn’t advocate change either!
It’s evident in even the smallest thing, which I see more frequently now that I have been here longer. I have been writing this report with my colleagues about a study tour we completed in October 07. This report has been going back and forth for amendments between me, the vice director and director since November 07 (for Christ’s sake!) – only for the 5th version to come back with unacceptable written over it. I am unable to prevent my lips from pursing together in extreme annoyance at this point, still I manage to enquire politely as to why this might be?
“We cannot say like this to the Government, it is impolite and they will be upset.”
Time for steam to exit my ears. Rrrrrrr.
I asked someone else to review the report just in case I was being completely ignorant and culturally insensitive; no, it’s fine. On going back to the head honcho I am ready for battle; I shall not give in without a fight! I shall emerge victorious and not send my soul into the black pit of self despair and mindless corruption!! Of course, the first news I have to tell him is that the funding we have been waiting for to start a new project has final come through – suddenly he is all smiles.
“Oh yes, VSO is wonderful. I have no problems. Don’t worry.”
“What about the report?”
“Oh, you know – you can write whatever you would like. We will write in a paragraph apologising to everyone if there are any mistakes, because it is our first time to do this activity.”
Nostrils flared. Breathes in. Breathes out. Oh. My. Shitting. God. Did he really just say that?? I had Ally McBeal visions let me tell you. They were the only thing that kept me smiling and not punching him upside the head. Grrrrrrrrr
Sadly for me, I have lasted as the golden girl for only all of…. 4 days! This morning I had to go in and tell him, although we had secured the funding, we would not be receiving the money until September. Oh my. You should’ve seen his face drop. Faster than a lead balloon, did his face fall. Ah well – I wasn’t that comfortable being the dollar signs in his eyes anyhow!

Please everybody write to me to help me take my mind off the funny little man….

PRESS RELEASE!!! Broadband hits Stinkland!
Oh yes folks, it was a big day. I was the first to have a go when the tech man was finished and nearly wet my pants in excitement when the screens flashed up almost instantaneously!!! I was beside myself, though sadly the foot-tapping happiness was short lived. We have now gone back to making a cup of tea, scones and watching Titanic in between the pages downloading. YAWN. I feel it may take me a few weeks to stop grinning like an escaped convict when I use super-speedy internet access back in England!

Like Stung Treng’s answer to broadband, life passes slowly here in Stinky. And just as watching the pages on the internet downloading in the time it takes for a milk float to drive from London to Inverness, it has been just as wearisome. When I first started another volunteer (a psychologist) warned us that being a volunteer was a constant rollercoaster of emotions. She wasn’t joking. I’ve been on an all time low these past 2 months, now realising more than ever how much I rely on others for emotional support, especially during more stressful times. In fact, having good friends nearby prevents things getting to that crisis point in the first place. I will always remember those first 5 months here; Ali, Meng and Chantha really made life so much fun, there was always something happening, and always people to sound off to, or to help you realise life is not all about work (why is it that we need reminding of that?)

So thanks to mum, Carrie, Lousie and Kate for being in touch and reminding me of the friends back home. It is always good to hear your news, and please know that you were able to put a much needed smile back onto my face just hearing from you. Mum, it was wonderful speaking to you on the phone and the next day I was skipping about with a huge grin slapped on my face once more (one more? No more?!!! Hahahahaha) Everyone else is just gonna have to wait for that joke! It’s a good ‘un though! Full on Cambodian humour at its best.

Now that I have found my bounce again, I plan to hold onto it! A similar kooky-minded volunteer pal, Jen, and I have planned a long weekend to Preah Vihear. We are travelling by moto from Stung Treng. Preah Vihear is actually the next province to the northwest of Stung Treng, but the road is not suitable for cars, so to get there usually involves a stonking 12 hour+ journey round half the frigging country! We are taking the intrepid explorer route this time though. We have hired two guides and will be travelling on the back of motos across country. It will still take around 6 hours, but should be much more beautiful and exhilarating. Once there we will hopefully meet up with my old pal the Director of the hospital, Dr Koung Lo and go “da-laeing” to Preah Vihear temple once more – to sleep there at night if we can pull some strings! Yeay!

Before that I am off to my assistants wedding. He gets married on Wednesday, and I’m sure it will be a big affair. Though possibly not as enjoyable as the one Delia and I went to on Saturday night! We met these young lads when we attended the wedding of my housekeepers daughter. Much dancing ensued and then 2 weeks ago they rocked up at my house with another wedding invitation! “Who’s getting married?” says I. “My cousin” says one. Don’t know him from Adam, but we are invited to be the token “barang”. I jest not. Foreigners here are held in such high regard (sadly) that attending a function of theirs automatically raises their credentials – even if people have no idea who we are. Who knows what the bride and groom thought; I’m sure I’d be hacked of if guests turned out to be more important than the wedding couple (and just because the colour of their skin). The party was held outside the brides house. Massive sound speakers, bright decorations and all the women dressed up to the nines (even the toilet dolly dress was on show again). Our “dates” collected us from my house and drove us out, introduced us to the couple and their parents, sat us down and promptly deserted us. “Come get me when you want to leave!”
Fantastic! Can’t wait to try that pick up line in England! “Would you like to go out on Saturday?” Pick him up, drive to dinner and leave saying, “call me when you’re ready to leave!”