I have to write and tell you about this dream I had the other night, crikey if you thought I was weird before wait till you here this!

I am trying to book myself into a hotel room – I think I must be on holiday. I am shown to this small hotel room under the stairs by the hotel woman. The door to the room is slanted to mirror the angle of the stairs and looks like something out of Harry Potter.
The woman showing me the room is explaining that the previous guest had complained and refused to stay there, but said “I don’t think you would do that, would you?” As it turned out I wouldn’t as I accepted the room. The room was small and basic, but generally ok in a “this-is-dirt-cheap-so-I’m-not-gonna-complain-about-the-general-scankiness” kinda way. It also, as the woman proclaimed, had a pool view. On looking out the window I could see the pool; nearly empty, the remnants of which gurgling down into a giant plughole like a huge turquoise bath. Directly under my window-sill (on the ground floor) there were also two old ladies sunbathing; wrinkly and so close I could’ve passed them a cuppa without straining.

From here I flicked into another part of the hotel; green and luscious, it must have been in the gardens somewhere. Someone is talking; warning the guests about the lizards because they bite off your toes. I warned you it was weird!

As the man is talking I look down at my feet periodically. I am not wearing shoes. When I look down I see a small trickle of blood coming from under my feet. I look around and see a dirty puddle close by and deduce it must be coming from that because I can’t see any blood on my feet. However, the next time I look down there is significantly more blood. I inspect my feet closely and find a small bite mark on the side of my left foot. OH NO! I check my toes; all intact. Relief floods through me. I frantically check my other foot. OH. MY. GOD!!! All but the stumps of my last two toes are completely missing; the stumps are bleeding a bit but strangely I feel no pain.Then I see the lizard. It is red, has a fat body and a mean expression. Stocky is probably the best description. I warn the others and suddenly there are two dogs there; apparently to catch the lizard and protect me. They growl and spring at for the lizard but turn out to be no match for the ferocious toe nibbler; he attacks each one in turn by lunching at their eyes and ripping them out. The lizard then resumes its mission to bite off the rest of my toes!Just as it’s about to reach me it is forcibly flung away and lands, face down, into the undergrowth behind me, arse-end sticking up in the air. Dead. Who did that? I look up and set eyes on a gorgeous man. Mmmmm. He picks me up in his arms, rescues the chewed off bits of toes and carries me away to safety (and to have my toes sewn back on).

Then I wake up. What a bizarre dream – and sooo vivid. So tell me, what do you think it means? Is there a hidden meaning behind it? Are dreams the subconscious giving you advice? Or is it just that I’m losing my mind and should seek professional help immediately??

Small print: No animals were hurt in the making of this dream, all my toes remain intact and sadly the beautiful man vanished on contact with the real world. Bugger.